before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
