I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
