Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
