what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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