i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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