if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am available for nakedness
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