I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
