he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
