there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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