Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
