whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
