my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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