i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
