these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
