I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
