why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
