im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
