They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
