Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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