Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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