if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
