Plan B is the new Plan A
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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