i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
