My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
