So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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