fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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