6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
