A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish they made helmets for livers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
