Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
