I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize