My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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