ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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