You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
