yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
love makes seman taste better
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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