Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
