im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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