I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
