I think I died a long time ago.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
