plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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