i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
