i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can I color on your dick again?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
