We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
