woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
