I think I died a long time ago.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
