Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
