Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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