My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
