Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
