Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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