Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm having to shit out rocks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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