I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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