As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
