Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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