I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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