I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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