I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
