i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
