Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
