some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
