census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
