i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
