he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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