so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
