It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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